I was struggling through my workout tonight…

… but then I thought to myself “girl, you have one eye and all your fucking limbs. Push. Harder.” (And no shrapnel in my body… icing on the cake.)

So I did, in fact, push harder. To this:

 

Freedom/Civil Rights/Get your head out of your ass/Hello

The above are all working titles for this post… in no particular order. I guess I should start by saying “hello”… Hello! Being on that grind makes for very little time for blogging. I always admire the hundreds (thousands? millions?) of bloggers who keep up with their blogs while doing the school-thing and the work-thing and the mom or dad-thing, etc. I’m a work-in-progress (just like everyone else, I guess).

Civil Rights/Get your head out of your ass is a shout out to all those in this country and abroad who are fighting for basic human rights. Let’s not pretend that DOMA is about anything other than prejudice. Keep your religion and/or your ignorance to yourself, because neither should be governing a community of any sort, most especially the U.S. Get your head out of your ass.

Speaking of freedom… I love comparing and just generally enjoying several different versions of songs. This is what I’m hooked on today:

And let’s not forget Nina Simone:

Bombarding You

Occasionally I’ll find myself in discussions with friends over “unplugging” and living “off the grid.” Our use of technology has become an addiction: smart phones, constant, quick access to the interwebz, BLOGGING, #selfies (don’t get me started… wait, was that me who took one on the previous post? That doesn’t count… ;-p )… That said, while the addiction is very real and very disconcerting, I’m thankful to live an age of information bombardment… no, really. The fact of the matter is, I can spend hours on the internet searching for memes of angry cats doing shit (slash just take pictures of my own to share with the world…) or cross-referencing information about other countries and people and cultures I will likely never ever experience first-hand. The internet has also become this major resource for self-improvement. My commitment to a healthy, cruelty-free lifestyle (ps: there’s a really great picture of Dave Navarro being… Dave Navarro on this website, haha) has been fully supported by the internet, and furthermore, WOMEN have found a real presence out here in cyber space, aside from porn.

Apropos of this bombardment, I’d like to share with you some things I’m reading/loving/have stumbled upon as of the past week:

A candid, real, and in my opinion, important conversation about monogamy and sex and children

WHAT IS YOGA DOING TO OUR CHILDREN/WEARENOTACHRISTIANNATIONGETTHEFUCKOVERIT Thoughts? (The hyperlink description is my own, not NPR’s, so get mad at me not them should you have a problem with it.)

Vaccinations and Vegans    With some really great comments from devoted readers. Also: Eating Right Gives the Most Protection During this Flu Season

My current favorite workout:

(Source)

Lastly, I’d like to know your thoughts about this CrossFit promo (below). As a person who has struggled with disordered eating and distorted body image, there have been times when watching Zuzka’s workouts, or reading fitness magazines, or being bombarded (there’s that word again) by celebrity media has not helped my recovery. I’ve been more selective in the past few years with what I’ll expose myself to or fitness programs I’ll support. The fact of the matter is that movement is better than no movement, so fitness program or no fitness program, or supporting certain programs over others is really your choice, no judgement here. For me, I find Zuzka’s workouts and those similar to CrossFit or P90x or TurboFire to be more up my alley in terms of ways that I enjoy spending my time. That said, there’s an image being maintained here, and it’s hard to separate “what I should look like” with how you’ll look once you’ve put in the hard work. I think the girls in the CrossFit video explain some things really well, but again, there’s this establishment of an aesthetic: if you don’t match that aesthetic, then you’re not pretty/healthy/fucking awesome, etc… There’s no declaration of this in the video, but for people who have struggled with themselves in this way, it can be interpreted as saying just that:

I also appreciate your comments/questions/concerns/musings on anything else in this post–enjoy, and I’d love to hear from you!

Peace,

C

Discipline.

“If we do not discipline ourselves, the world will do it for us.” – William Feather

I came across this quote recently in my daily reading travels on the interwebz. Of course, it was fortuitous timing because I have been lacking inspiration (though not lacking in aspirations), and if you continue to look, you’ll find what you’ve been searching for—good, bad, and in between.

I’ve been thinking about where I’ve been and how I came to this place, meditating on these past ten years, as they’ve been the most painful, tumultuous, progressive, positive years of my life thus far. Part of that has to do with the age range (16-26). That’s self-explanatory. But part of that has to do with things that have been both out of my control and in my control and how I chose to deal with various events or realizations.

I often say to friends, perhaps ad nauseam (actually, I’m sure of it), that yoga is something that I believe helped keep me in the game and realign my life (and my spine). Somebody asked me some months ago, “Why do you do yoga? In what ways do you find it helps you?,” to which I replied, “It keeps me from killing people.”

I don’t have the most verbal finesse at times.

What I meant to say was that it allowed for me to discipline and heal my body at the same time—like a perfect balance between work and play, pushing forward and relaxing. That said, nowadays, I don’t believe that yoga is the only way to achieve this simultaneous stimulus and release. I myself have fallen in and out of the practice due to several issues including proximity to a yoga studio (I prefer practicing with others despite my aversion to humans), money, focus (ha!), boredom, etc. This bites me in the ass when I don’t fill that time with another discipline. Now, I allow myself to teeter back and forth between several different disciplines as I like. I used to be very totalitarian toward whatever activity I was engaging in, leaving no time or thought for anything else, but I’ve found that that destroys me and negates the goodness of any activity, particularly physical activity.

The other important factor is that physical activity allows us to explore discomfort in a controlled way, so that we can then learn to feel comfortable within our discomfort. The fact of the matter is, life on the macro-level is not easily controllable but your interactions and reactions are (not easily, but yes, they are controllable). So, in any sort of physical discipline, you are training your body to take on various stimuli being hurled at you—physically, mentally, emotionally, you name it—and find a solution or positive reaction or interaction with it.

And sometimes, that means looking at a particular set of circumstances and accepting that they are what they are. Nothing more, nothing less.

Back to Mr. Feather’s words, life will fuck you up if you keep sailing along waiting for something to point the way for you.

Going into this next semester, it occurs to me more than ever that we need complimentary (read: not equal) parts physical and mental activity. I personally refuse to stay sitting for too long or stay in my office for other or a practice room. I’m still finding the perfect mixture that works the best for me at this point in time (change is imminent, after all).

And now for some photos ranging from early December to just a few days ago. Beware: they’re all Android photos and while it’s got a pretty good camera on it, I know full-well that my photos should be banished from the blogging world. But it’s what I’ve got for you at the moment.

Vegan Coat. Serious Face. Not big into taking pictures of myself.

St. Louis! Central West End! Biggest Chess Piece, ever (no really, technically it is). Wearing a scarf and top hat, no less!

Beautiful lunch that got me through multiple performances of “The Nutcracker.”

Yep.

Roo. Ready to go!

Raw. Wundebar.

Also raw. Also wundebar.

Noonan. Also a bit Blair Witch Project-y.

Also: This lady is EVERYTHING.

Focused With It

Because whatever you’re passionate about has to take priority over your idiosyncrasies, addictions, and life’s bullshit. I almost forgot about this song (this rarely happens… gotta get myself together, now…)!

 

Happy Sunday:

 

Oh, hello!

I haven’t forgotten about my blog, nor do I want to. But, I’m still feeling out how to consistently post and do what I need to do at school and with my jobs. So… if you enjoy reading, thanks and don’t go away; if you’re reading for first time, thanks also, and I hope you come back more and more and see less sporadic posting!

Anyway, I’ve been enjoying being a performer and an academic as of late, and also cooking when possible. When my days are hard, I usually have something ready to go in the fridge, like a lentil soup, or a bunch of rice and pre-cut (by me… it doesn’t long… don’t act like it does), or occasionally rely on Amy’s frozen meals as a quick pick-me-up.

I’ve been lucky enough here and there to be able to go out and get some fantastic vegan food, mostly raw:

Peanut Kale Salad from Seva

Haul From Cacao Tree Cafe, all raw including raw tacos, kale chips (dehydrated), chocolate pecan pie, mango cheesecake, and an un-pictured freshly pressed kale, lemon, ginger, and apple juice. I ate it all. That night.

Homemade pumpkin protein smoothie. Recipe to come.

Now that that’s out of the way. I want to litter your life with things I really dig as of late:
This blog: Manifest Vegan

This writer: Tim Kreider (READ THE BOOK DESCRIPTION!)

This article: Reconciling Pop Music

These workouts: Zuzana Light

This artist, THE artist: Prince

This song, its video, and its sentiment (even though she wrote the song slightly out of her range):

It’s been a hot minute…

For several reasons, really. I’m going to always play the school card when I lag on posts (school comes first, kids!), so that’s just what it is…
But lately, I’ve been finding myself lamenting over things past and present in a really heavy way. Have you ever felt like that? I’m sure nobody’s going to say “no.” I’ve been lamenting over what turned out, what didn’t, and how I’ve spent the small part of my life (thus far) that is my adult life being sad for what was and no longer is. (Can we be vague-er, Colleen? Yes, don’t encourage me.)

So, for a few weeks even, I’ve gone to bed agitated and sometimes with a tear-stained face and of course woke up feeling like I was hung over when I could not be more sober. This morning I woke up a bit more spunky (not perfect, but it’s a start) and I read this article: Proudly Bearing Elders’ Scars, Their Skin Says ‘Never Forget.’

And then I was like: Girl, you’re gonna be okay.
Life does that, I guess. Throws you some shit and then throws you some perspective (if you choose to pay attention).

A few other things that got my life right recently:

hemp seeds

my kitty cats

my mom, my brother, the Boy, and some rad friends

President Obama who came to my school and spoke nothing but truths about equality and what we need to do to start to achieve it

AAANNNDD, this concert got me right, even though I wasn’t there (and not to ruin any surprises, but girl does a tricked-out Reggae version of my FAVORITE song, which happens to be the center of the first post I ever created up in here):